


Savior

by princessfrisk



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010), McDanno - Fandom
Genre: Cuddles, Episode Tag, First Kiss, Fluff, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, No Smut, Possibly Unrequited Love, SO MUCH FLUFF, Steve has no idea, Surgery, grace loves this, hospital stay, kono knows everything, mild depression, s6e25, sappy danny, shower, soul searching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:19:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 12,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessfrisk/pseuds/princessfrisk
Summary: Danny and Steve went undercover as drug pilots, and it went horribly wrong, Can Danny cope with the nightmares that plague him after he wakes up in the hospital? Will he and Steve realize that the real thing worth dying for, as they have proved over and over again, is the life of the other?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is so freaking fluffy, I need to see a dentist once this is uploaded. This will be in multiple chapters, because I really wanna develop the healing process and the budding of their relationship, so bear with me.

_“Steve! Steve!” I screamed, releasing the controls and diving out of my seat to catch him as he toppled sideways. The helicopter out Steve’s window pulled away, and I could see the man with the automatic rifle in the back smirking at me in my panic._

_I felt hot blood running under my fingers and Steve’s breathing was labored. “Steve, stay awake, come on, love. You’re not going to die on me today, you’ve managed to survive six years.” His eyes met mine and the look in them scared me- they were full of fear. Steve McGarrett was never afraid._

_“Don’t look at me like that, Steven. I will not let you die,” I hissed, grabbing the controls and pulling the plane out of the nosedive we were in. Our meth dealer was staring at me with incredulousness. “You aren’t a mechanic,” he said, pulling out a gun. I pulled mine out in the same instant._

_“No, I’m a detective with Five-O. And if you don’t put your gun away and let me land this plane so I can save my partner’s life, I will shoot you in the head right now and not feel guilty about it.”_

_“Danny…” Steve sighed. My head whipped around to look at him and found him watching me with what I can only describe as sadness. “I’m gonna die, Danny.”_

_My heart jumped into my throat and I felt my eyes stinging. “Say that again and I’ll punch you, Superman. You’re not going to die.”_

I snapped awake, breathing hard and painfully. My face was wet and my entire torso ached. The room was dark, making it hard to remember where I was.

Then I heard a familiar sound- Steve snoring.

My entire body relaxed and the ache dimmed. He was alive. There was a tugging sensation in my arm and I was mildly surprised to find an IV in it.

All of my memories came flooding back- I was in the hospital with broken ribs. I’d donated half of my liver to my best friend and the love of my life. I wiped the tears off of my face and laid there in the dark, listening intently to the soft snoring and reassuring myself that he was alive and okay.

Around sunrise, his breathing changed, and I knew he was awake. “Danny…?” he half groaned, half whispered. My heart flipped in my chest. “I’m here, Steve. Right behind the curtain.”

He sighed in relief. “What happened?”

I recounted the story of the shooters and how I landed the plane, and the details of his surgery.

“You gave me your liver?” he asked in disbelief. I couldn’t see his face, but I could tell his eyebrows were scrunched and he was thinking. I could almost smell the smoke.

“It was either that or let you die, so yes, I gave half of it up. You’re stuck with me now.” He gave a soft snort of laughter and I smiled, grateful that he couldn’t see me.

“Thank you.”

I jumped, having dozed off slightly. “You scared the hell out of me up there, Steve,” I replied. “You told me you were going to die.”

“I thought I was. You’re no pilot, you know. And we had a very angry meth dealer behind us. Plus, you know, the whole getting-shot-multiple-times deal.”

I swallowed, hard, and didn’t answer. I was crying again, god damn it. I heard him shift with a deep groan of pain. “Danny? Are you okay?”

“No, I’m really not,” I told him. “But I’m fine. All I got was two broken ribs and a messed up face. You almost died, Steve. I couldn’t find your pulse. There was blood everywhere and I couldn’t stop it.”

I heard a loud hiss from my partner, and then the curtain that separated us pulled back. “Oh my God, Steve, lay down!” He was sitting up on his bed, holding his abdomen gingerly and pulling away the curtain with his uninjured arm. He looked awful, like a damaged shell of the healthy, tanned man I knew.

Once the curtain was back, he laid back down with another hiss.

“If you want to see me, I can get up,” I said with a small smile.

“The curtain was annoying. You sound upset, and I couldn’t see you,” he replied simply. I sat up, testing the bandages around my chest and finding that it didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would, and pulled my IV around as I got out of bed. I made my way over to Steve’s side of the room and sat carefully in the chair by his side.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as I sat down, his hand was on the side of my face, using his thumb to wipe the tears from my cheek. His skin was warm and rough with callouses on his palms from his gun and working on his dad’s car, and it felt like heaven. I closed my eyes and relaxed into his touch, feeling the tips of his fingers work their way into my hair and rub little circles into my scalp.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally. “I didn’t mean to…”

I cut him off by pressing a kiss into his palm. “Don’t worry about it, Steve. I’m okay. Just try not to be so flippant about getting shot, will you?”

I met his gaze for the first time since he told me he was going to die, a day and an eternity ago. There was no fear in them now, just warmth and a shadow of pain. His face was pale and his mouth was set, telling me that he was in more pain than he was showing. I wanted to kiss him.

The urge was so strong that I actually had to grip the arm of the chair, making my chest twinge. Thankfully, I was saved by the entrance of the nurse, who almost had a heart attack at the sight of me out of bed.

She was closely followed by Kono, Chin and Lou, who immediately flocked to Steve’s side. Relatively unnoticed, I got up and went back to my own bed, relieved to find something soft under my back.

I dozed after a few minutes, finding that no one really wanted to talk to me and everyone was more grateful that the man we all loved was alive and recovering.

Grace and Charlie came to visit me, with a handmade get-well card bearing a suspiciously high amount of glitter and smiles that lit up the whole room. I hadn’t taken any pain meds so that I would be awake for everyone, but I was seriously regretting my decision by the time Rachel arrived with the kids.

Charlie crawled up into my bed and hugged me tightly, knocking the breath out of me. After a few minutes, he leaned in close and whispered, “Are you gonna die?” I laughed. “No, bud, I’m not gonna die.”

“Is… is Uncle Steve gonna die? Mama said he was hurt bad,” he said, and there were tears in his eyes.

“Uncle Steve is going to be okay, Charlie,” I said loudly, so that Steve could hear. “He’s not going anywhere.”

Steve turned his head and gave my son a blinding smile, almost stopping my heart. “Nah, I’m not going to die, little man. Somebody’s got to keep your dad out of trouble, you know.”

I grinned at him and he grinned back, and something passed between us that everyone else in the room could see. “Well, we really should be going. We’ll be back tomorrow, Danny,” Rachel said, after a solid minute of silence.

Kono and the others also snapped into action, setting all of the cards and gifts they’d brought for Steve on the windowsill and the table under the TV and giving us their goodbyes.

In a relatively short time, we were alone, and I heaved a sigh. “I feel like someone’s run me over with a train,” Steve said, wincing as he reached for the morphine dispenser. He, too, had taken nothing all day.

I pressed mine very briefly, sighing with relief as the heavy pain eased. “I feel you. I need a twelve hour nap.” He laughed as the nurse came in to make sure we were settled for the night.

Steve murmured something to her that I couldn’t hear, since I was already half asleep, and I heard her giggle and respond in kind. Was he flirting with her? I couldn’t tell.

There was a squeaking sound, and then I felt Steve’s hand on my arm, sliding down to find my hand and lace our fingers together. I opened my eyes just a hair, exhausted, and found that the nurse had moved his bed over so that we were side by side, with the rails down. His eyes were on my face, watching to see what I’d do.

I moved over slightly and rested my head on his bicep, giving his hand a squeeze and adjusting my pillow so that the position didn’t kill my ribs. He huffed a small laugh and turned his head so that his chin rested just on my head.

_“Steve, wake up! Wake up, dammit!” I cried, shaking him with one hand and keeping the other on the controls. He was deathly pale, too pale for comfort. I glanced at the floor and saw a growing pool of almost-black blood. That wasn’t good- it meant that his liver was hit._

_I angrily brushed tears out of my eyes and put my other hand behind his neck, bringing his head up. “Steven McGarrett, wake up! I’m not landing this plane so you can die on me, you son of a bitch!”_

_The beach was coming up fast, too fast, and I quickly buckled Steve’s seatbelt before pulling hard out of the nosedive, slamming into the sand less than a second later. The excruciating pain took a backseat as both of my arms went to protect Steve before he slammed into the dashboard, wrenching my shoulder hard and causing the joystick to break my ribs._

_“Get him out!” I screamed to Lou, clutching my chest. “He’s still alive, get him out!”_


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up to two strong arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly to a muscled chest in a hospital gown. I was crying again, and judging from the soreness in my arm and ribs I’d been flailing.

I relaxed into Steve’s hold and he rubbed my back while I cried, feeling absolutely helpless and humiliated. “You were having a nightmare, Danno,” he murmured into my hair. “I survived, we both survived. I’m alive, okay? You saved me.”

I buried my face into the side of his neck, not caring that my entire body screamed in protest, and inhaled the scent I knew so well, the smell of soap and the ocean and Steve. “I know I did. I know you’re alive. But I can’t forget it.”

He kissed my forehead softly and gently nudged me over so that he could roll onto his back with a grunt of pain. With a flash, I realized that he’d been holding me down with his injured arm, and guilt had me scooching a little further than I needed to.

He noticed and rolled his eyes. “I’m fine, Danny. I’ve been tortured for hours, this holds no candle.” And I’d been able to save him then, too. But this time there had been no guarantee that either of us would live, him especially.

The nightmares continued every day for the next week, and every time I woke up in his arms with soft reassurances being whispered into my ear. The nurses found it sweet, and it was the only reason they permitted our beds to be connected, because they were afraid of what would happen if I had a nightmare and Steve wasn’t there to calm me.

After two weeks of mind-numbingly dull hospital time, we were discharged. Steve walked gingerly, with his abdomen wrapped tight and his left arm in a sling. I walked only slightly better, with a bandage around my middle and around my chest. My shoulder was black and blue and there were a few healing gashes on my face.

Thanks to the sacrifice of my arms, Steve’s face only bore a bruise under the chin, where the airbag had smashed into my arms and driven them upwards.

I drove us both to Steve’s house, as we’d decided to stay together until we were healed and my apartment was too small for both of us. Immediately in the door, he pulled me into a crushing hug, one that took my breath away. He buried his face in my neck, which was quite the feat for someone much taller than me. I hugged him back, feeling his entire body relax.

“Thank you, Danny,” he whispered in my ear. I kissed his shoulder. “I’ll always have your back, love,” I whispered back. He pulled away and we locked eyes. There was sadness in the ocean blue depths, the same sadness I remember so vividly from the plane.

“It’s my job to protect, Danny. How can I protect Hawaii when I can’t even protect you?” he asked, fingers trailing over the bandages on my chest. I swallowed the lump in my throat and cupped his face in my hands. “You don’t get it, Steve. You have protected me every day for six years. Yeah, sometimes I get hurt. But I’m alive and well. If you hadn’t been in that plane, those bullets would have had my name on them. I’d be dead.”

For a brief instant, I saw my partner lying unconscious in the pilot’s chair, pale and bloody, and I wished he hadn’t been in the plane at all.

He bent down and our foreheads touched, a gesture I recognized as the Polynesian greeting for loved ones. “You saved me,” I reminded him quietly. “You saved me six years ago, you saved me two weeks ago, and you’re still saving me now.”

He reached up and held my face in place before I could move away, staring at me with a fascination that I’d only seen twice before. “I love you, Danno.”

I smiled at him, a little weak in the knees but happy to continue our game. “I love you too, Super SEAL.”

My phone rang loudly, interrupting whatever was about to happen, and I pulled away regretfully to answer it. It was Grace.

“Hey Monkey, what’s up?” I asked, grabbing the back of the couch to steady myself. Steve, hearing that it was Grace, smiled a little and blew a kiss at the phone before putting his things down and going upstairs to attempt a shower.

“Hey Dad. Did you and Uncle Steve get back okay?” “Yeah, we’re good. Steve’s gone to take a shower,” I replied.

“Are you still having nightmares?” I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “Not really, they’re mostly gone.” Which was, of course, a bald faced lie. She knew it, too, I could hear the skepticism in her silence. “That’s good, I guess. I’d better go, lunch is over. I’ll call you later. Love you!” “Love you too, babe.”

She hung up and I sank onto the couch, scratching at the rough edge of the bandage on my chest. “Danny?” Steve called from upstairs. I forced myself to my feet and trudged up, finding him in nothing but a towel in the bathroom. He turned to face me and I could feel all of the blood leave my face.

I hadn’t seen him without the bandages yet, and oh god, it hurt to look at. The bullet wound in his shoulder was ugly and scabbed over, situated right where the collarbone met the joint. His entire chest was still a nasty shade of yellowish-purple. But the real eye-catcher was the long scar on his side, right next to a healing bullet wound.

The scar that marked his near death, and the scar that we both shared.

I swallowed, hard, and snapped back into reality to see him standing there looking… ashamed? “I can’t bandage them by myself,” he said quietly. “You don’t even have to ask,” I replied, taking the supplies from him.

He was remarkably silent as I applied the various medicated ointments and gauze pads, but grunted as I wrapped them as tight as I dared. My ribs howled in protest as I bent to check my work, making sure no rough edges remained.

I shocked him, and myself, by pressing a kiss to both areas when I was finished. I heard him swear under his breath and it made me grin as I turned around to leave. “Do you need a shower?” he asked. He sounded almost strangled. I was suppressing laughter when I answered. “Yeah, I feel gross.”

He left and I dissolved into giggles, unable to help it. It had been such a stressful two weeks that it felt like I was letting the weight off of my shoulders by standing in Steve’s bathroom laughing my ass off.


	4. Chapter 4

I gingerly unwrapped my bandages and winced at the heavy bruising that covered me from collarbone to hip. I certainly wouldn’t be winning any beauty competitions in the foreseeable future.

My shower was excruciatingly slow, as my arm still ached like hell and my ribs made movement painful, but it felt wonderful to be clean again. Steve knocked on the door just as I was reaching for my towel. “You alive in there?”

“Unfortunately. Come give me a hand, will you?” He walked in and stopped dead in his tracks. I’d suspected that he would- I looked every bit like I’d crash landed a plane. “Jesus, Danny…” he whispered. I shrugged, and then regretted it. “You look worse than I do, honestly.” “I don’t care what I look like, Daniel,” he said bluntly, “and it really doesn’t matter right now.” I decided that it was in my best interest not to argue.

His hands were infinitely gentle as they wrapped my chest and side, but it still hurt like hell. He finished wrapping much quicker than I had, but his hands lingered, like he was thinking. I jumped, hard, when he leaned down and kissed my chest, right below my collarbone.

I bit back my comment and raised an eyebrow at him, amused. I was doing my best to hide the fact that I needed pain meds and for him to kiss me again. I wasn’t particularly concerned with where he might kiss me, I just knew that I needed it.

Luckily for both of us, the microwave downstairs beeped loudly, shattering the heavy silence. “What the hell are you making?” I demanded, having wandered downstairs in a pair of Steve’s sweats. Of course, I’d had to roll up the ankles, and the hip area was ridiculously tight, but I managed. He glanced up at me and burst into laughter. “What?” I demanded. “Those are way too small for you, Danny,” he laughed, holding his side.

I grinned in spite of myself and made a show of turning in a circle. “They make my ass look good, though. Seriously, what are you making?” “Hot pockets.”

“I thought those were for Grace?” “They were. But I hurt too much to cook, and you’re fooling around, so this is what we’re getting.” Can’t argue with that logic. We ate in relative silence, and then I retreated to take a nap.

Steve’s worried eyes followed me up the stairs, and I knew what he was thinking. Would I have another nightmare?

I slipped into his bed, surrounded by the scent of the ocean and that weird brand of cologne he uses, and fell asleep with no trouble at all.

_“You tell me who the hell was in that helicopter, and you tell me now,” I bellowed, punching him as hard as I could in the jaw. “Because if you don’t, I will kill you. Slowly. My partner and best friend is laying in the hospital fighting for his life and I swear to god, if he dies, you’ll wish you’d never been born.”_

_I'm on the airstrip, shooting at the meth dealers. The man who shot Steve and smirked at me is limping away as fast as he can. I feel cold and calm, the way Steve does when he’s on a mission. I shot him in the shoulder and he fell on the ground. I want to kill him, so badly. It’s the only thing on my mind. But I can’t. This isn’t me. I’m impulsive, but I don’t kill if I don’t have to._

_Reluctantly, I put my gun away, and headed for the hospital._

_“He needs a liver transplant or he will die.”_

_"Take mine.”_

I woke up slowly this time, dazed by something being pressed all over my face, something holding me down. The more my brain realized I wasn’t dreaming, the more I didn’t believe it. Steve was holding me down, hissing in pain, kissing me gently wherever he could reach and telling me that it was okay, that everything was fine.

“Wake up, Danny. You’re having another nightmare. Wake up, come back to me.” “I’m awake, I’m awake,” I mumbled. His head dropped to my shoulder and he sighed. “If you’re gonna kiss me, make it somewhere useful, okay?” I yawned, still half-asleep. I felt him grin.

“Yessir, Daniel,” he chuckled, and gave me a quick peck on the lips. I was immediately fully awake and on fire. “You call that a kiss? Really?” Now we were both laughing, but he didn’t kiss me like I wanted. He simply pecked the tip of my nose and laid down beside me, giving me a view of the window and the darkness outside.


	5. Chapter 5

“How long have I been out?” I grumbled, moving over so that he could fit onto the bed easier. “About four hours. You missed Grace calling back, but she promised to call in the morning,” he replied, putting a pillow under my back and another one under his shoulder. I waited until he was comfortable before I rolled onto my not-broken side and put my head on his shoulder.

He didn’t mind at all, bringing that arm up to tangle his fingers in my hair. I yawned again, already tired, and soon fell right back asleep.

I woke up to bright sunlight and a face full of dark hair. I felt well-rested for the first time in two weeks, having slept solidly and dreamlessly for the rest of the night. Steve was snoring gently, a sound that I had grown to treasure since we’d been hurt.

I gently kissed his cheek and got up, wincing at the painful twinge from my torso reminding me that I wasn’t the picture of health.

I don’t know if it was the loud crash or the smell of bacon that woke him up, but either way, he was up and downstairs soon after both of them.

He started to laugh, finding me standing on a chair surrounded by various spice containers littering the floor. “Danny, what are you doing?” “Destroying your kitchen,” I said dryly, seizing the little shaker that I’d gone up for. “Obviously. But what were you looking for?”

“Your stash of breakfast grenades, I know how much you love manly things for the first meal of the day. I was going for the brown sugar for the bacon.” He snickered. “Brown sugar on bacon? And you think I’m weird.”

“You are weird,” I defended, waving the pancake turner at him. “You put butter in your coffee and pineapple on your pizza, how much weirder can you get?”

He watched me with amusement, leaning on the counter beside the stove. “Eating pizza folded and putting brown sugar on bacon is up there.”

“Not nearly as…” He cut me off by grabbing my chin and planting a quick, firm kiss on my lips. “I… What?” I asked, almost dizzy with the wave of longing that swept through me. He grinned hugely, the first real smile I’d seen in weeks. “Hey, I finally found a way to shut you up. Hurry, babe, I’m starving.”

“Uh huh,” I managed, flipping the bacon in a haze. He made coffee while I snapped myself out of whatever the hell he’d put me in and started on eggs. “Sunny side up?” “How else?” he responded, earning an eye roll.

“Spoken like a man who doesn’t know the value of a good omelet.” He didn’t reply to that, instead tossing a dish towel at my head. I responded with a piece of bacon, which he expertly caught in his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully for a minute. “Hey, that’s actually not bad,” he said, diplomatically not meeting my eye.

I handed him his plate and got orange juice from the fridge, giving it a cautious sniff. Kono said she’d gone grocery shopping before we got back, but I was still slightly wary. It smelled fine, so I poured us both a glass and we took our plates to the couch, not wanting to bother with the uncomfortable kitchen chairs.

We watched the news and ate, listening to what was happening outside of our sandy little piece of paradise. It wasn’t good. In fact, we ended up switching to cartoons a few minutes later, watching Spongebob for a good hour before I got up to do the dishes.

Contrary to what my kid believes, I actually like doing the dishes. It’s repetitive and gives me time to think about things, something that I am way too good at. So when Steve came up behind me and wrapped his arms ever so gently around my waist, I wasn’t exactly paying attention.

What grabbed my attention was the feeling of his breath on the side of my neck and the scratching of his stubble on my shoulder. Instantly, my entire body was on fire, and I melted into him, letting the pan slip out of my hands and back into the water.

We stood like that for a long time, so long that the water under my hands was stone cold by the time I remembered what I was supposed to be doing. Carefully, I resumed washing the dishes, running new water to rinse the suds off. I felt a rumble in Steve’s chest, almost like a growl, and I realized he was laughing.

“What’s so funny, Super SEAL?” I asked, turning my head to kiss his cheek. “I was supposed to be distracting you, and you’re doing dishes.” I could feel his lips moving against my neck and oh, boy, did I want him to keep talking. “Would you like me to do them later?”

“If they don’t get done now, they never will, so you might as well finish,” he sighed, and released me. My back felt cold and bare without his warm, muscled body pressed against it, and I accidentally made a little noise somewhere between a protest and a whine.

He snickered and went upstairs to check on the gauze pads secured to his side and shoulder, leaving me to bang my head rather viciously on a nearby cabinet in frustration.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment on this and tell me what you think so far! My favorite part of every day is reading your comments, they mean a lot to me.

We lounged around for most of the day, trying to avoid any activity that would strain our injuries. Grace called twice, and the second time she was laughing at something that I didn’t quite understand, asking pointed questions about how Steve and I were getting along as housemates.

Steve was insufferable, always touching some part of me. When we sat on the couch, his arm was around my back and his fingers were tracing patterns on my shoulder. When I made lunch, he pulled a romance movie stereotype and wrapped himself around me while I cooked. He fell asleep on my lap, prompting me to spend an hour aimlessly playing with his hair and carefully rubbing the deep knots out of his shoulders, being careful to avoid the bullet wound. He hummed appreciatively under my hands and turned as much as he could to let me continue down his back.

“If you want a massage, let me get up and get the oil,” I said, stretching. He immediately sat up and I rolled my eyes. True to my word, I went and found the bottle of cinnamon-scented body oil that Catherine had left under his sink when she left. Just thinking of her pissed me off, but I had better things to do.

For the first time, I was going to be able to get my hands all over my partner, and there was no way I was letting his ex ruin my fun.

When I got back out to the living room, I found him lying on his stomach on the couch, with a pillow under his middle. He was dozed off, looking like a slice of tanned heaven in the afternoon sunlight. I carefully straddled his hips and opened the oil, filling the room with the smell of cinnamon.

His skin was very warm and incredibly soft, and soon my brain shut off and I just worked on releasing the knots in his back. Strong, lean muscles rippled under my fingers and I spent a lot of time tracing shapes on his shoulder blades just because I didn’t want to stop.

“Roll over,” I said finally, determined to finish what I’d started. He did without a word, taking me by surprise, and I was pleasantly stunned to find a lazy smile on his face.

I started at his hips, earning a surprised huff, and worked my way up, being careful to avoid the bandage on his side. I tried my best not to drool, but I don’t know how that went, as I worked the tension out of his taut abdomen and chest. By the time I reached his neck, I was basically humming with energy and permanently imbued with the smell of cinnamon.

Before I could lose my nerve, I bent down and kissed him briefly before getting up to put the oil away. When I got back, he was sound asleep, and I smiled.

It was dark by the time he woke up. I was sitting at his feet, reading the book Kono had left for me. He stretched like a cat, but carefully, and sat up. “You’ve got magic hands, Danny,” he said with a yawn, and I grinned at him.

“I know I do. My aunt taught me all she knew.” “I’d offer to reciprocate, but you won’t be getting one until your ribs heal, so I’ll hold off,” he replied lightly, getting up to make dinner. The thought of his hands all over me with that delicious cinnamon oil effectively shut me up.

This became the norm for the next week as we healed and bonded. By the time the doctor okayed us for desk work, I’d forgotten all about the fact that I had my own apartment and my own life. I never wanted to leave the big house by the sea or the SEAL that I had grown immeasurably fond of. Every night I fell asleep in his arms, and he kept the nightmares away. Every morning he woke me up with a kiss on my forehead or my nose.

Going back to Five-O was like going home after a year away. We were greeted warmly with hugs and stories of the cases they had solved while we were away. “It’s definitely not the same without you guys,” Chin admitted, more than willing to step down as the temporary chief.

Steve and I did paperwork for the team for the next two weeks, until he was okayed for duty. Everyone came with me when the bandages around my chest came off, showing just a pale yellow patch of bruising right where the break had been. “You’re good to go, Detective. Just try not to crash another plane,” the doctor told me, making everyone but me laugh.


	7. Chapter 7

We went back to the office and I went to the bathroom. When I came back, I found Steve and Chin in front of the table, talking. I hid around the corner, unwilling to interrupt.

“You and Danny have changed, Steve. What’s up?” Chin asked. Steve ran a hand through his hair, clearly agitated. “He’s been having nightmares every night unless I’m holding him when he falls asleep. He gave me a body massage a couple weeks ago, Chin, and ended it with a kiss. He’s clearly emotionally invested and I don’t have the heart to tell him no.”

My heart stopped, and then shattered.

“What have you been doing about it?” “I’ve had no choice but to reciprocate. He needs me in ways that I can’t help him with, and I’m worried that one of these days he’s going to cross a line that we can’t come back from.”

“He loves you, Steve,” Chin said bluntly. “And you leading him on is the cruelest thing you could possibly do to him, especially now that he’s traumatized by almost losing you. You wouldn’t do this to Catherine, you sure as hell shouldn’t be doing this with Danny.”

I turned and slipped away, fighting back tears. The month that we’d had, the kisses, the laughter, all of it had been a lie, because that’s what he thought I needed. He was right. I’d asked for too much, taken too much because I was selfish and greedy. I didn’t notice the questioning looks from Kono and Lou as I passed them, instead leaving the building and taking Steve’s truck back to his house.

I hated myself for feeling like I was home.

There wasn’t much to do. I put the few clothes that I owned in a trash bag, including the ones that I had left there over the past six years. I took my toiletries, my books, my food, everything that was mine and put it all in the bag.

Then, with a heavy heart, I wrote a note and stuck it on the front door before calling a cab to take me back to the apartment that I hated so much.

**I was very confused when Kono walked up to me and punched me as hard as she could in my good arm, making me wince. “What, what did I do?” I asked defensively. She just glared at me and stormed into Danny’s office, looking for something. “So you’re gonna tell me that you’re not the reason that Danny left almost in tears a couple minutes ago?” Lou asked dryly.**

**Kono came back out and tossed something on the table. My mouth went dry and my knees turned to jelly. Danny’s badge and gun, still in the holster.**

**I bolted outside, slightly winded from weeks of inactivity, to find my truck gone. Danny had heard me talking to Chin, he must have. Without a second thought, I grabbed Chin’s bike and tore off down the street, heart in my throat.**

**I hadn’t wanted him to find out this way.**

**But Chin had been right. I fucked up.**

**I pulled into my driveway and was relieved to find my truck there. I burst in the front door. “Danny? Danny, are you in here?” The house was silent. I went from room to room, my guilt growing as I started to notice things were missing. His clothes, his food, his stupid amount of hair products, all of it was gone. I ran back outside and this time noticed the piece of paper taped to my door.**

**“Steve—if you’re reading this, I managed to get out before you came back. I heard what you said to Chin, and you’re right. I asked too much of you. I shouldn’t have done what I did, and I’m sorry that I made you so uncomfortable. There won’t be a next time. I left my gun and badge in my office and took everything that belongs to me from both the office and here, so that I won’t have to look you in the eyes and remember what I thought we had. I’ll send in the resignation forms by Friday. I’m going to miss you, Super SEAL. You always had my back. I’ll always have yours, even if you never need me. So, for the first and the last time, I love you. Goodbye. –Danny.”**


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment! I want to know what you think of this so far. I promise, there will be lots more twists and turns to this story. Also, sorry this chapter is so short, I felt like leaving off on Danny's note was a bit mean.

**My entire world spun to a halt and came crashing down around my ears. I didn’t realize that I’d gone down on my knees until Kono and Chin pulled up in her car. “Steve, what’s wrong? Where’s Danny?” Chin demanded. I handed him the note and he read it in silence, with his cousin reading it over his shoulder.**

**Not only had I permanently traumatized my best friend by nearly dying and forcing him to give up half of his liver, but I’d played him like a fiddle and now he knew it. The man who had watched my back and made me laugh for six years was gone, and there was nothing that I would be able to do about it but let him go.**

**The thought hurt, more than the bullets had. It felt like someone had ripped out my heart and stomped on it repeatedly, leaving a Danny Williams-shaped hole in my chest. I wished that I’d never kissed him, that I’d never let it go as far as it had.**

My apartment felt empty and smelled foreign, as I was so used to the smell of the ocean and cinnamon. The thought made my heart hurt, so I blocked it out, and made myself busy with cleaning up the month-old mess and throwing out almost everything in the fridge, since it was almost alive with mold. The entire place seemed unnaturally dark, lacking the natural light that I’d gotten accustomed to.

I unloaded the trash bag and threw all of the clothing into the washing machine, determined to make them smell like me again instead of him. It was dark by the time I’d finished everything, and I flopped down on the creaky pullout, exhausted.

I was terrified to go to sleep.

My nightmares had gone, but only because of Steve, because he had held me when I flailed and told me everything was alright. But he was gone, and I was alone. I got up and popped two sleeping pills and laid back down, ready for the terrors to take me.

_“Steve! Steve, wake up!” There was blood everywhere, too much blood. His eyes were open and glazed over, his skin was pale. The blood wouldn’t stop, I couldn’t make it stop. There were alarms blaring and the dealer in the back was screaming and I didn’t care, the man I loved was dying…_

_I was standing in Five-O headquarters. “I thought I quit?” I mused, turning in a circle. Steve was standing next to me, silent. Seeing him hurt, like a bullet to the chest. “Steve?” I asked timidly, afraid of what he would say. He didn’t answer._

_I looked closer. His chest wasn’t moving and he stared straight ahead. I walked to the front of him and fell back, horrified. He was dead, standing there propped up by absolutely nothing, bullet wounds riddling his entire body. There was blood all over the floor, something that I hadn’t noticed before._

_The corpse’s mouth opened and a harsh, rasping version of Steve’s voice came out as his clouded eyes stared straight ahead. “I died for you, Danny. And you didn’t save me.”_

I woke up gasping for air and covered in sweat. The clock read midnight.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I forgot to specify, but the italics are dreams, normal text is Danny's POV and the bold is Steve's. Also, you're literally making my day with all of your comments.

I got up, legs shaking, and stumbled into the bathroom, where I dry heaved into the toilet, tears streaming down my face. I ached all over, but the pain in my ribs was nothing compared to the feeling of my heart ripping in half again.

“Oh, God, Steve, what have I done,” I croaked, sitting by the sink and resting my head against the cold porcelain.

**My house was foreign to me. I didn’t know it anymore. I wandered the rooms absently, opening and closing cabinets, picking things up and putting them right back down. For once, the mess didn’t bother me. It was just another reminder of how everything had changed.**

**I had let him go too far.**

**My mind flashed back to the lazy, sunny afternoon when he spent an hour rubbing the knots out of my muscles, something that I had done for quite a few people but had never had done to me. It had felt so natural, and neither of us had questioned it. I told myself that I’d needed the relaxation, and Danny needed me, but there was something else there that I shut the door on firmly, unwilling to open that can of worms.**

**Without warning, I felt an overwhelming urge to vomit, and barely made it to the bathroom before emptying my stomach. It hurt like hell, pulling on the fresh scars and reminding me what he had sacrificed to save my life and exactly how ungrateful I had proved to be.**

**“I’m so sorry, Danny,” I whispered to the vast emptiness of the house, finding my cheeks wet with the first tears I’d shed since my father died. It was midnight. I knew that Danny wasn’t asleep.**

**He would be awake, shaking with nightmares that I was no longer there to save him from. He would be crying, like I was, because his mind would be reminding him of me and the plane crash.**

**“God fucking damn it,” I yelled, smashing my fist into the mirror. The glass shattered and sprayed all over. My knuckles split and I cursed even louder, abandoning the mess to go to bed. Maybe I would feel better if I slept it off.**

**But I couldn’t sleep.**

**My brain kept serving up images of Danny, alone and terrified and heartbroken. That, and my sheets still smelled like him. I laid there until sunrise, staring at the ceiling and trying my hardest to get him out of my head.**

**Finally, I got up and dove into the ocean, the physical activity feeling wonderful after so long. I worked up a slow and steady burn, eventually able to just turn my brain off and swim.**

**Three and a half hours later, I was utterly exhausted. I went back inside to find Chin sitting on the couch, reading one of my books. “Hey,” I panted, grabbing a bottle of water and draining it. He put the book down and gave me the most disappointed look I’ve ever seen from him.**

**“What? What happened? Is Danny okay?” “Honestly, brah, I don’t think you have the right to be asking about Danny anymore. But yes. In the loosest sense of the word, Danny is ‘okay.’” He sounded extremely pissed off, which is hard to do.**

**I sat in the chair across from him and waited. Finally, he spoke. “Do you remember when I lost Malia?” I nodded.**

**“I was completely broken. I spent three weeks locked in my house and for quite a bit of it, I was contemplating suicide. The only thing that saved me was Five-O. Danny is in the same position right now, and you put him there.” “That’s a bit harsh…” I said, feeling that ache coming back into my chest.**

**“Harsh? No. It’s the truth. What did you think was going to happen, Steve, when you finally told him you’d been lying?” He was shouting now, standing up and pacing. I’d never seen him this angry. “Did you expect him to shrug it off and continue being your partner and best friend like nothing had ever happened? You’re an absolute idiot.”**

**I finally lost my temper and stood up, too. “You think I don’t know that? I was up all night last night thinking about him and how I know that he was up all night as well with nightmares so bad he could never tell me what they were about in their entirety, and you’re not making this any better!”**

**“This is not about you!” he roared, so loudly that the dog down the street started barking. “You started this! You knew what he wanted and you played him like a string bass, and now you’re reaping the consequences!”**

**He was right, and I shut up. I felt empty, like a discarded coffee cup. “I don’t know how to fix it, Chin,” I whispered. He seemed to deflate like a hot air balloon and sat back down with a huff. “You can’t fix it, Steve. And I was under the impression that you really didn’t want to.”**

**“Of course I want to. It’s hell knowing that my best friend is in pain and that I did that to him.”**

**He looked at me for a little while, just watching, and after a while a slow smile spread over his face. “Oh my God, I’ve figured you out.”**


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting way too emotionally invested in this story omg

**I raised an eyebrow. “What the hell are you talking about?”**

**“You, Steven McGarrett, are in love with Danny.”**

**If I’d had something in my mouth, I’d have choked and spewed it everywhere. As it was, I inhaled too fast and started coughing violently. “Are you insane?” I wheezed finally, pounding my chest to give my hand something to do.**

**His smile only got wider. “Think about it, Steve. You guys have been attached at the hip for a little over six years. Whenever you’re in trouble, he’s the first one you call, even though I’ve been here longer. He’s the first one you ask for when you wake up from being knocked out and the first one you asked for when you came out of anesthesia a month and a half ago. You two would die, and have given it your best shot, for each other. There’s no way you can’t be in love with him.”**

**“He’s my partner, Chin. I’m supposed to trust him with my life and protect him with it, too,” I said firmly. He just shook his head. “Partners don’t say ‘I love you’ multiple times a day, Steve.”**

**“It was a game, goddamn it. It was all a game that we played. We say ‘I love you,’ we call each other babe and sweetheart, we hug each other after a crisis or a heartwarming moment. That’s what best friends are for,” I argued. He laughed.**

**“Some game it turned out to be, huh? You don’t have any of that anymore because you took it too far. I’d think about it, if I were you.” He got up to leave, and finding no protest from me, shook his head and shut the front door behind him.**

**My head was spinning so badly that I was afraid to stand up. My phone rang loudly, startling me into action. It was Grace.**

**“Hey, Grace. What’s up?” I asked casually, and was astonished to hear her burst into tears. “Grace, calm down, love. Where are you, what’s wrong?”**

**“I’m at Danno’s,” she wept, and I sat straight up. “What’s wrong, Grace? Is Danny okay?” My heart squeezed so hard I found it hard to breathe.**

**“I don’t know. He won’t get out of bed and he’s been crying, he keeps saying that he wants to go home. I don’t think he knows that I’m here.”**

**I swallowed hard. “Can you give the phone to Danno, Grace? I’ll see if I can figure out what’s wrong.”**

**There was some shuffling, and then ragged breathing. “Danno?” I asked softly, and heard a sharp intake of breath. There was a loud thud, and then Grace was back. “He threw the phone,” she reported, and there was a sharp stabbing sensation in my gut that I knew had nothing to do with my healing wounds.**

**“I’ll be right over, Grace. Make sure he doesn’t do anything to hurt himself,” I said firmly. She began to cry again. “Steve, what’s happening? Why would he want to hurt himself?” Chin had been right about Danny, and oh God it hurt. “I’ll tell you when I get there, sweetheart,” I promised, and hung up.**

**True to my word, I was at his apartment in record time, and Grace opened the door, looking tiny and fragile. “Is he…?” “He’s still in bed, but he’s stopped muttering. I think he fell asleep.”**

**Oh great. I entered carefully, making sure that I didn’t wake him up. He looked absolutely awful; he was pale and sick, with deep bags under his eyes. I’d been right- he’d gotten no sleep. I sat on the floor by the bed and gently brushed the blond hair out of his eyes.**

**_“How could you not be in love with him?”_ Chin’s voice sounded in my head.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't STAND it anymore, guys, and neither could you.

**Oh my God.**

**I shook my head, hard, trying to dislodge the thought, but it clung tight and whispered deep into the folds of my brain.**

**I am in love with Danny Williams.**

**Just as I came to this realization, Danny began to move, just like I knew he would. I got into the bed with him and pulled him into my lap as he began to flail, screaming that I was still alive, to get me out of the plane. And then, in a whisper, over and over and over again, “Take mine.”**

**Tears stung at my eyes and I couldn’t hold them back, letting them flow down into the mess of blond hair belonging to the man that I now realized I did love.**

**Grace stepped into the kitchen, giving us privacy. Danny started to calm down as he woke up slowly. After a few minutes, I heard him gasp sharply, and he shoved hard at my torso, sending himself backwards across the bed and almost onto the floor.**

**“What… what are you doing here?” he rasped, doing his best to get as far away from me as he could. “To make amends,” I replied quietly.**

**“Make amends? Really? How the fuck are you going to do that, Steve?” he hissed, the loud curse making me jump. Danny never dropped bombs like that. “What could you possibly say to make this better? ‘Oh Danny I’m sorry I lead you on and shattered your heart into a million pieces right after almost dying and taking half of your liver, please come back and be my friend?’ That won’t work.”**

**“I know it won’t,” I said evenly, and his eyes narrowed. “If you’re here to confess your love for me or some bullshit like that, forget about it. I don’t need to be patronized and I don’t need fake love.”**

**“Well, that’s good, Daniel, because you’re not getting fake love,” I snapped, exasperated at his hot temper even though I knew he was more justified than I was.**

**“Talk,” he growled, deep from his chest. I’d never heard that sound before and it scared me.**

**So I did.**

**I started with the plane crash, making him wince and sit down off of his knees, and went through everything, from the first kiss I gave him to the massage to the previous day at the office.**

**I told him what I’d spent the night doing, and the conversation I’d had with Chin not even an hour before I’d rushed over here in a panic.**

**I broke down my own walls, letting my feelings come to a head and drive what I was telling him. I think he could tell, too, because his face relaxed into a neutral expression. I told him about the panic I felt when I was shot, how I was terrified to leave him.**

**I told him about the very same panic when I woke up in the hospital and couldn’t see him, afraid that he hadn’t made it and that I was alone.**

**I told him about how I hadn’t meant to kiss him the first time, it just felt like the right thing to do, and I scared myself by doing it. I’d always considered myself to be straight, just like the NAVY had taught me, and the idea that I had feelings for another man was too much for me to handle.**

**But it just got worse and worse, and the massage was what did me in without even realizing it, the feeling of his hands on my body and me never wanting them to stop.**

**By the time I finished, Grace had picked up her things and left with a quick goodbye. I assumed Rachel had come to pick her up.**

**Danny had his eyes closed and his chin resting on one of his hands.**

**“I love you, Daniel Williams, and I feel like the world’s biggest asshole for putting you through what I did,” I finished, finding my voice hoarse from so much talking. It was odd, being able to talk without Danny interrupting. I hated it.**

**We sat in silence for a few minutes while my heart did its best to pound right out of my chest. I’d never felt so anxious, not even during SEAL training, which was way more physically strenuous than telling my partner I loved him.**

**Finally, he sighed. “I’ve waited years to hear you say that, Steve,” he said quietly. My heart almost stopped. “But I don’t know if I can trust you.”**

**“You’ve always been able to trust me, Danno,” I said, and he shook his head. “Not yesterday. Not after you shrugged me off like a sack of potatoes and admitted that you didn’t feel the same about me.”**

**I understood where he was coming from, and it hurt like hell. “Okay,” I said simply. He raised an eyebrow. “Okay? What do you mean, okay?” He demanded.**

**I shrugged. “If you don’t believe me, that’s fine. I wouldn’t believe me either. So I’m going to prove it to you.”**

**He rolled his eyes, a very faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Uh huh. And how do you intend on doing that?”**

**“Well, every relationship starts with coffee, right?” I asked, quoting him. The faint smile got just a little bit bigger and gave me hope. “So I’ll come get you tomorrow, since you quit your job, and we’ll get coffee. I know a cute little place right by the beach with a great view.”**


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave your feedback in the comments!  
> Also, I feel like I need something dramatic to end this story on in a couple of chapters. Any ideas?

**He refused to let me stay, even though he needed the sleep and we both knew he couldn’t sleep without me. So I went home and called Chin.**

**He showed up ten minutes later with a few beers for himself and a pizza for us, knowing that I couldn’t drink anymore. “You look better. What happened?” he asked as soon as I opened the door.**

**“You were right,” I admitted, and the grin was wiped off of his face. “Is Danny okay?” “Yeah, he’s fine, but that wasn’t the only thing you were right about.” The smile came back full force and he flopped on the couch.**

**“What did it take for you to figure it out?” I sat down and started talking.**

Steve left and I sat there without moving for about twenty minutes. My heart was pounding and I felt more awake than I had for two days. Most of me was rejoicing, screaming that he loved me, that I could have him.

But the very back of my brain whispered that it was a trap. I’d reacted so badly to his rejection that he felt responsible and was trying to make things better. That was the logical side of this, though, and it hurt to think about.

“I’ll give him a chance,” I announced to my empty apartment. “And if I can’t trust him, I’ll end it. I hope.”

As we had both predicted, I didn’t get much sleep that night. The nightmares were less vivid, but still horrifying, and the third time I woke up I started thinking in earnest about consulting a psychiatrist. With a sigh, I got up and took a shower, rinsing the past two days off of me with relief.

I started to put on my normal clothing, too scared to dress up or dress down, until my phone buzzed with a text- “Wear shorts, I’ll take you out surfing.”

So I changed into my swim trunks and a t-shirt, grabbing a towel and a bottle of sunscreen. After a few minutes of anxious waiting, Steve knocked on the door. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes- he chose now, after six years, to start being polite and knocking.

I opened it to find a very bubbly, excited SEAL almost hopping on my doorstep. “Uh, Steve? How much caffeine have you had today?” “None,” he replied, handing me the handful of strange, spikey flowers that he was holding. “Thanks, and I highly doubt that, you’re jittery,” I replied, putting them in water. They smelled very light and sweet, and I found that I really liked them.

“I’m jittery because I’m excited, I haven’t gotten to take you out surfing yet. That’s been Kono’s thing,” he said happily, and it was really hard not to grin at him looking more excited than Charlie when I told him we were going to the zoo.

“Alright, alright, let’s go,” I said, and he shocked me by taking my hand and walking me out, like normal couples do. We drove his car for a change, and he took me to an adorable open-air coffee shop right on the beach. The sun was warm, the water was dazzling, and Steve looked vibrant and alive.

The waitress was a gorgeous native girl with hair down past her waist and a sunny smile. I watched Steve as we placed our orders, wondering just what he would do with such a lovely woman placed like bait in front of him. He gave her nothing more than a cursory glance and a polite smile, and I did the same.

The coffee was delicious, deep and rich and almost as good as Steve’s. We spent about two hours there, basking in the sun and just talking. It was just like it had always been, easy and natural, but with something warmer underneath it that made it vastly different.

Finally, he pushed his mug aside. “Are you ready to go surfing?” he asked, glowing like a kid on Christmas. “Hell yes, let’s go,” I replied, draining the last of mine.

We grabbed the boards out of his truck and ran at the waves, pausing briefly to shed shirts and shoes before diving into the bright, cold water. We paddled out together, shooting jokes back and forth. “I’m fine, Steve, don’t worry about it,” I yelled. “Kono’s taken me out at least a hundred times!”

The sun was setting by the time we made it back to my apartment, soaked to the skin and high on nothing but joy. “So, how was that for a first date?” he asked as we pulled up to my complex. “It was way better than anything I’d have thought up, that’s for sure,” I admitted, earning an even wider grin from my slightly sunburnt ex-partner.

“Please tell me you’re not really quitting Five-O,” he said suddenly, bringing us both back to reality with a bump.

I sighed and ran a hand through my wild hair. “I… I don’t know. I don’t want to, Five-O is my family, but…”

“I need you there, Danny. You’ve always had my back. I can’t function without my partner,” he said quietly. “And, speaking personally, I’d go absolutely crazy seeing your empty desk every day and not arguing with you over who gets to drive or on the way to a crime scene.”

I smiled a little. Some of my favorite conversations had happened in the car, on the way to investigate or raid something.

“You’re not gonna let me off the hook on this one, are you?” I asked finally. He shook his head.

“Okay, fine, I won’t quit,” I said, tossing my hands in the air. The grin I got in return was sunnier than the entire damn state of Hawaii. “I am getting out now, though. My hair is crusted with salt and hair gel. They don’t mix well.”

“Then don’t wear the gel next time,” he replied smoothly, leaning across the car to kiss my cheek. I got out and he left with a smile and a wave.

I doubted I’d ever been so happy in my entire life.p>


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's been a while since I updated this. Whoops. This is probably gonna be a filler chapter, I still haven't quite worked out which direction I want this to go in. Please comment if you're enjoying this!

I didn't sleep very well that night, dreading both the nightmares and having to go to work the next morning. I knew that Kono, Lou and Chin had borne partial witness to my dramatic quitting and moving out, and their pity was something that I wasn't sure I could stand. Plus, having to face Chin after his conversation with Steve would be... less than pleasant.

Soon enough, my alarm buzzed, and I dragged myself out of bed to get ready. My ribs ached dully, an unwelcome reminder of what had started all of this in the first place. I didn't feel like giving a damn about my hair, so I got dressed and found my keys after about a minute in a mirror. I'd at least showered to get the sandy gel mess out. 

My phone buzzed from the table and I knew exactly who it was- Steve, of course, asking who was picking who up, and saying good morning. I sighed. "I'll pick you up. You drive," I replied, leaving and locking the door behind me. I needed normalcy, and that was about as normal as you could get.

I got to his house and he was waiting for me, looking like a tanned god that the ocean spit out for being too mean. I got out to give him the keys and he surprised me by catching hold of my hand and pulling me in for a kiss, quick and sweet, before grabbing the keys and sliding into the driver's seat.

The drive to work was quieter than usual, broken by the occasional comment directed at idiot drivers. "You've got bags under your eyes, Danno," he said after a long time. "Did you sleep at all last night?" I shrugged, feeling my cheeks burn. My bags hadn't looked that bad when I left, but I should have known that the SEAL would see them. "No. Nightmares again," I replied. 

He sighed and rubbed his forehead, stopping at the light. "You really should see somebody about those. You might have-" "If you say PTSD, I'll slap you," I said bluntly. "I've gone through a hell of a lot in my life and the nightmares always went away eventually. They will for this, too." He raised a hand in surrender and dropped the subject, something very rare for him.

Kono greeted us with her usual smile and launched right into the case they'd picked up, not even acknowledging the fact that I was back. Chin nodded at us and listened intently, and Lou didn't even react. I glanced at Steve and he winked at me. My heart swelled up hugely and pressed against the walls of my chest. Thank god for small miracles and unusually perceptive Lieutenant Commanders. 

The case seemed relatively normal, a run-of-the-mill burglary. I was more than happy to be back on active duty, back with my family, doing something that made me feel like I mattered. Steve was full of surprises that morning, making me jump on the way to the scene when he reached over and laced our fingers together, not even looking over. Almost like he did it just to make sure that I was still there.

The thought made me smile, and I squeezed his hand, trying to ignore the nagging voice at the back of my head telling me that it wasn't real, that he was placating me for my overreaction to not getting my way. My heart shoved the idea aside, more than content with the small, peaceful contact between us, and I wasn't aware that he was watching me until I looked over to ask a question and found his attention divided between the road and me.

"What?" I asked self-consciously. His eyebrows were raised like I'd surprised him, and his thumb was rubbing my knuckles. "You've got curls," he replied after a minute. I remembered that I hadn't done anything with my hair that morning and blushed bright red. I hadn't had my hair natural since the Academy back in Jersey, and even then I'd been teased mercilessly for it.

"Yep, a full head of them," I said, trying to play it off like no big deal. "Why haven't I seen them before?" he asked. I shrugged. "I don't like them. It's hard enough being a short cop, I hate dealing with the curls on top of it. Also, I always gel my hair right after a shower, so..." "Huh," he mused, slowing down to make a turn.

I braced myself for a teasing comment, but instead I got a sunny smile. "I like them. You should leave them natural more often, they suit you. Besides, you can still kick ass." That made me chuckle, and the tenseness I'd been feeling all morning finally let up a little. The house came up on the left and he let go of my hand as we pulled into the driveway, leaving it cold and strangely empty. 

The woman inside took an instant liking to Steve, much to my annoyance and Kono's amusement. Lucy, as she insisted we call her, was very nonchalant about the fact that her house had been broken into, despite the fact that her husband (a high-ranking engineer for the military) was missing both his laptop and an encrypted hard drive with sensitive data on it. She didn't realize the gravity of the situation at all and offered us coffee and danishes at least twice. 

When she brushed up against Steve's side and gave him a sultry look through her eyelashes, I could feel my blood boiling. The woman was married, for fuck's sake. But before I could say anything to defend my claim, Steve slyly looped an arm around my waist and planted a kiss on my temple, instantly lowering my blood pressure. Lucy turned bright red and wandered back into the kitchen, leaving us to snicker quietly and watch the techs collect evidence. 

Kono had seen the whole thing and gave me a pointed wink when she came back in to mention the motorcycle tracks she'd found around the back of the house. Chin and Lou came back in with even better news- the thief, finding out that we were looking for him, had done the sensible thing and turned himself in. We'd still have to process the scene for trial, but it wouldn't be too much trouble. I found myself wishing at least half of our cases were that easy.

"Stop for coffee on the way back?" I suggested casually as we left with Lucy seething at our backs. "Hell yes. Malasadas too?" he asked hopefully, making me roll my eyes. "The ungodly amount of those you eat should go straight to your damn thighs, you bottomless pit. Yeah, why the hell not."

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably gonna end in four or five chapters, because I'm finding that I have less and less time to update. I can't even promise this will end on a good note.

As promised, we drove to a nearby coffee shop for malasadas and coffee. He seemed way more cheerful than usual, actually paying for once and even dropping a couple bucks in the tip jar. That made me raise my eyebrows as we carried our loot to the car. "Are you feeling okay, Steve?" I asked.

He glanced over the top of the car at me with a questioning expression. "Yeah, why?"

"I figured you must be sick if you're taking out your wallet voluntarily. I think I saw moths come out of your pocket," I teased, getting in and taking a sip of my coffee. He snorted and took a malasada out of the bag, shoving it in his mouth for holding while he started up the car.

"I pay for things," he replied, muffled by pastry.

"Never while we're around," I laughed. "Your wallet always seems to be lost." He conceded his defeat and finished off the treat in his mouth, reaching for another one. I swatted his hand away.

"Aw, come on," he pouted, giving me the puppy eyes that he knew I couldn't resist. Somehow, I managed.

"No, you glutton. We bought these for the office, remember? Besides, you just ate one of my chocolate ones. You don't deserve another one." He laughed and took my hand like he had on the way up, lacing our fingers together and rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. I could get used to this. No one was there when we got back, as per our agreement that we'd do the paperwork and they could go home. So Steve picked up his files and moved into my office, sitting on the guest chair while I sat in the normal one.

The sight of him was a warm one, long legs folded under him, face pinched with concentration, hair an absolute mess no matter how many times he ran his hand through it. My heart swelled up to bursting again and my skin felt unusually warm. Goddamn, I loved this man. As if he could read my mind, he glanced up at me, green eyes meeting my blue ones. He smiled, transforming his whole face from badass to intensely adorable. "What?" he asked, shifting a little.

"Nothing, just thinking," I replied. He raised an eyebrow.

"Thinking about the case or me?"

"You, definitely," I laughed, closing the file after signing my name at the bottom of the last form. His smile got even wider and he finished his, too. He got up and approached my desk, where I sat almost breathless, curious as to what was going on in that gorgeous head of his. He bent over the desk and messed up my hair, making my breath come out in a huff.

"What?" he teased, bringing his hand under my chin and tilting my head up. "Did you think I was gonna kiss you?" As he said it, he kissed me gently on the nose. "That'll have to wait until there aren't any cameras around."  I blushed bright red and he went back to his chair, looking like a cat that had eaten the canary. Two days. Two damn days since he'd told Chin that he was only leading me on for my own mental sake, and we were flirting like teenagers.

The doubt and anxiety settled on my chest, making it hard to breathe and sending the warm happiness out the window. What if he really was leading me on again, afraid of what I'd do? That's what I had done for Rachel, and we'd ended up married, had a kid, divorced and had another. What if this was a lie?

 

**I looked up from my phone to see Danny staring at the wall with a blank expression, the one that he wore when he was thinking hard about something. My gut twisted, because I knew exactly what he was thinking about, and I felt another wave of self-loathing wash over me for everything I'd put him through. I glanced at my phone again- it was almost one o'clock. Making a split second decision, I got up and grabbed Danny's hand, making him jump and return to reality.**

**"What...?" he started, but I stopped him.**

**"You look like you need a break, and I have the perfect idea." He rolled his eyes, but he didn't pull his hand away, which I thought he might.**

**"What's this marvelous idea of yours?" he asked once we'd been in the car for a little bit.**

**"We're gonna go eat lunch at a special spot my dad used to take me to when I was younger," I replied, taking a hard left turn. He rolled his eyes, but his smile was warm.**

**"I take it that means a six mile hike, through rough terrain, with only a hunting knife and a compass?" I laughed.**

**"No, but that is a great date idea."**

**"Don't you dare," he chuckled. We got two meals at Kamekona's truck, putting them in the back so that we wouldn't be tempted to eat. I drove for almost an hour, prompting Danny to doze in the passenger's seat. His face seemed to be permanently pinched in his sleep, but he didn't cry out, since he'd fallen asleep holding my hand.**

**I woke him up when we arrived at a small, secluded section of rainforest that parted to reveal a beautiful waterfall and swimming hole. Spiky flowers like the ones I'd brought him the day before were everywhere, brightly colored birds were diving for equally as bright fish in the water, and the sun was filtering through the trees just enough to add an air of magic to the place. He was just as enchanted as I had been the first time I came here, eyes wide and jaw dropped.**

**"Goddamn, Steve, this is gorgeous. How did your dad find it?" he asked quietly. I grabbed the towels from the back and laid them on the ground as a place to eat.**

**"When my dad met my mom, he took her hiking as a first date. They came across this spot and this is where they stayed. The next time they came here, he proposed, and she said no." He snorted and accepted his box.**

**"What happened after that?"**

**"They stayed together and he proposed four more times here before she said yes," I laughed, taking a bite of delicious garlic shrimp. We ate in comfortable silence for a while, watching the birds and the sun slowly shift. Finally, he broke the silence with a sigh.**

**"I need you to be honest with me, Steve," he said quietly. I put down my drink and looked at him. He looked incredibly tired, the dark circles under his eyes especially prominent in the green light.**

**"What's up, Danno?" I asked.**

**"Are you serious about this?" He must have seen how confused I looked, because he laid back and looked up at the leafy roof above us as he elaborated. "Are you serious about us? About lazy Sunday mornings, about meeting families, about going through the hell that is being a gay cop. Because if you're not... I need you to tell me."**

**"Danny, I..."**

**"I don't think you get it, Steve. I can't deal with being led on. I've already proved that to you. I won't be able to cope, and neither will Grace. My entire life will change because I won't be able to be near you without being distracted by memories, and in our job that is more than dangerous." Silence reigned for a few minutes, as he stared at the sky and I stared at him, unsure of how to say what I wanted to.**

**"I love you, Danny Williams," I said finally, laying down beside him. "Nightmares, scars, abandonment issues and all. I love your daughter, I love your family, I love you. I'm serious about us and everything that comes with it, both good and bad, because it means that I don't ever have to let you go." He sighed, this time releasing all of the pent up tension, and reached over to take my hand.**

**"Okay," he said simply.**

**"Okay," I replied. "But, Danny?"**

**"Yeah?"**

**"You've got to see a psychologist about your nightmares." Just like that, the mood was gone, and his whole body tensed up in defense and annoyance.**

**"Jesus, Steve, I thought we were done talking about that." I rolled over so that I was almost on top of him and brushed his soft blond curls out of his eyes.**

**"We were. But your safety and mental health is my top priority and," I added, kissing his nose, "you need to start sleeping better." He rolled his eyes and attempted to get up, but I moved fully on top of him and pinned his arms down easily. He stared up at me with crystal blue eyes, half annoyed, half interested. I found myself grinning down at him, heart almost bursting through my chest.**

**We met halfway, crashing our lips together like we were magnets that had been held apart for two long. Immediately, I let go of his arms to cup his face, and his hands came up to rest on my hips. Honestly, I could have spent all day kissing him like that, gasping for air and burning from the inside out, but after a minute my phone began to ring. It was Kono.**

**"Hey, where are you guys? Why are you panting?"**

**"We're out to lunch, just got in from surfing. What's up?"**

**"We caught another case. How long will you be?" I looked down at Danny, looking winded and grinning hugely, and raised my eyebrows.**

**"An hour and a half, give or take time for gas," I told her. He pouted and we both sat up.**

**"Yeah, okay. Don't be too long," Kono replied knowingly, and hung up. I kissed him one more time, as we both got up, placing my hands on his chest and feeling his heartbeat. As soon as his eyes closed I pushed him, hard, into the swimming hole, diving in behind him as he surfaced, spluttering.**

**"What the hell was that for?" he yelled. I grinned and spit water at him.**

**"I said we were surfing, we've got to look the part."**


End file.
